Hobbies and such...

Earlier I mentioned that I didn't have many hobbies but on reflection it would appear I lied about that.
Like most parents, hobbies tend to take a backseat and family life takes precedence. As well it should.
But we need to make time to do the things we enjoy, even if it's snatching a few moments here and there.

Sewing
I am the proud yet somewhat neglectful owner of a sewing machine. It sits in a box, under a chair, gathering dust and the occasional daddy long legs spidey until inspiration strikes and one of those little fuckers runs over my hand as I heave the old girl out of her box. Talk about scream like a girl. I've sewed pretty bunting, the crotch of my brother's work trousers x200, pretty cushions, aprons, even a lovely bridal sash for a hen weekend but nothing of artistic significance. I entertained the idea of making clothing for The Banshee but I just don't know where to start. Until then the old girl will have to settle for little but pretty jobs. Apart from the crotches. Years of farts ingrained into the fabric, it's a wonder my fingertips are still in possession of my finger prints!

Doodling
Yes, I am sad enough to doodle. I'm sad enough to admit that my doodles have taken up massive amounts of my time and that plenty of friends and family are the owners of doodles commissioned especially for them... some even display them! I love music, and the lyrics to a song can draw on memories and bring feelings of such joy and elation. That is something that should be captured in any way possible. I'm not hugely artistic so it's not something I could ever fully embrace. Besides, the tribe of small humans that live with us steal any pen that isn't nailed down or locked up. The array of "K"'s scrawled discreetly on the wallpaper in the corner of the lounge and the rainbow splodges of Sharpie soaked into the bed sheets, and even on to skin at times, are testament to the fact that you cannot really be trusted with a pen until you're 21 or older. I was still chewing biro's with explosive outcomes at age 18. And having to reassure other adults that your kid isn't suffering from some frightening form of necrosis of the skin is tough... "Honestly Miss... what you're actually seeing there is the combination of orange, blue and green Sharpie. His ankle is fine!"

Music
Apart from a brief spell playing the Cello and an even briefer episode involving an ocarina I am sad to say I do not play an instrument. And, given the choice again, I'd have gone for the double bass anyway. At least I could swing one of those bastards at the bullies and cause some actual damage as opposed to having to explain why my cello was the proud owner of an enormous crack.
I took the piss out of my mother mercilessly for her taste in music when I was growing up. I listened to everything AFTER my mother's generation. Dance, garage, pop, indie... Anything that would wind her up. While she was blaring Black Sabbath I was trying to drown it out with a bit of Old Skool dance. I died a little inside every time my dad played Elvis on the rare occasion he was able to drop us at school and rock and roll was the most cringeworthy music on Earth. When they joined forces and raised the humiliation stakes by singing "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" at karaoke, I was a bit sick in my mouth.
Now, as an almost 30 year old I love Meatloaf and Black Sabbath. Reggae and Ska, Rock and Roll, Elvis, old Irish rebel songs, anything by The Beach Boys... I swoon with nostalgia and the memory of a childhood filled with music. Elvis is a fucking LEGEND and The Kinks are cooler than cool.
More importantly, I'm doing what my mum and dad did... Musically I live in the past. I was barely old enough to wipe my own bum when The Stone Roses took the stage at Spike Island and yet, without any shadow of doubt, they are my favourite band. The 90's saw a transition in the style of music and the messages delivered. The emergence of the indie scene was way beyond me age-wise but that's the era I find myself drawn to the most. And I wouldn't have it any other way. While most girls my age were listening to Steps I was listening to The Verve. Don't get me wrong, I swooned over Take That - still do to an extent! - Nick Carter of the BSB's was a hottie, and the Spice Girls were like nothing on Earth! But as it stands right now, the 90's, indie classics, modern indie rock and roll, rock music of the 60's and 70's, The Mod Scene, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Elvis and, last but by no means least, The Stone Roses are where it's at. Ian, Reni, Mani and John move me in a way Mark Owen never could!
On my bucket list is the task of learning to play the guitar. Whether self taught or tutored... I don't care. I'll give it a bash!!! Or strum. Not sexually.

Reading
Ahhhh READING!!! My most treasured past time! I've always been a reader - you either love books or couldn't give a shit. I love books! Something scary, something romantic, something deep and meaningful, something completely and utterly fantastical - I don't care what it is. As a child it was Enid Blyton. As a young adult it was Point Horror, Goosebumps, Sweet Valley High, Babysitter's Club. Late teens led to the discovery of Stephen King and Dean Koontz - scared the living shit out of myself! Harry Potter came along and transported me back to a younger, more innocent time. Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging by the incredibly funny Louise Rennison was a guide to teenage life - accurate too! Adulthood led me to the chase and thrill of Jack Reacher via Lee Child, the ultimate devil's advocate in Jodi Picoult, the modern day fairy tales of Cecilia Ahern and the stark, brutal, frankness of death dissected by Patricia Cornwell and Kathy Reichs. Oh, and Fifty Shades of Grey. Phwoooaaar!
I'd stay awake all night to read given half the chance. Weekends were for reading. Any spare moment. Two, three books on the go.
Now I pretty much have to allot myself periods of time to sit and read. I.E - on the shitter.
You know you're a parent when you pretend to have the trots just to get through a few chapters. The convenience of a shower is completely blown out in favour of stewing in ones own filth in the bath for 90 minutes just to finish that book. Early nights become ridiculously late ones because reading by daylight is saved for Calpol bottles and homework books.

Excercise
Hahahahaha... Just kidding! Running and Bokwa are the extent of my exercise and I haven't done either in a while - I took the decision to leave zumba along with my sister and friend when it emerged that we were the only ones laughing at my "Back in a sec... my tena lady is stuck halfway down my thigh!" gag. And any mention of Wizard's Sleeves made the woman in front of us rotate her head 180 degrees and hiss "I am trying to concentrate! I want to be a Zumba instructor!"
Bully for you, love.
So Bokwa looked fun. It is and then it very much isn't. Those who have experienced the Bokwa burn will know. And as dainty as dancing the alphabet may sound, it is NOT. It's fucking beastly.
Running evokes a rage in me, a furious rage. I have just about mastered running to music without throwing in the odd dance move after a disastrous mishap involving a treadmill and The Black Eyed Peas. And a treadmill and Rudimental. There is a vast array of skid marks on my bedroom wall. From my feet, obviously.

Maybe this will become my new hobby. Blogging. If I ever manage to figure out how to navigate the dashboard and/or find a topic worth blogging about. When you consider that my children, my husband and my friends are generally my main source of entertainment that might not be a good thing...

Adios.

Time to prove I'm a modern mummy!

The boy child sat down to do his homework tonight (due in tomorrow, naturally!) and explained that he needed help planning a blog. I often pride myself on my creative sometimes mildly hilarious input where the kids' homework is concerned (when they actually do it) so I put on my smug face and remarked "Mummy used to blog!"

What I actually meant was that about a million years ago I made a few online diary entries that amounted to nothing more than the bored, occasionally delusional ramblings of a new mum who needed that something - anything - that provided the ever-elusive "Me Time". I soon discovered that blogging was not my forte and buried the log-in details deep, deep in my psyche. I think regression is probably the only thing that will enable the details to surface and, quite frankly, I'm not prepared to discover that I was a dock yard hooker or a doomed sailor in a previous life. Nope. THANKFULLY The Boy Child didn't ask me anymore about the subject but it got me thinking... I'm in the final year of my 20's, I don't have many hobbies and technology is evolving at an alarming rate - if I want to do this, I need to do it now. Before my brain deteriorates any further and the only thing I'm capable of is obliterating sweeties in Candy Crush Saga.

So here I am again. Trying to prove that, at the ripe old age of 29, I am still a hip, with-it mum. Or a sick mum. Whatever word replaced "cool" anyway! Preferably not sick... that sounds all kinds of wrong. Included in these posts will be general observations on life, mainly mine. If you are an absolute shit I may include you... but on the sly. With a code name. Like Shitty McGobshite. Should the shoe fit, feel free to wear it! The odd review may appear if I should stumble across an item that nobody could live without EVER, and a fair bit about the kids is likely to be included - The Boy Child, The Girl Child and The Banshee (also a girl child but 99% Banshee).

Things you should know:

• My mentality does not correlate with my age. Sometimes in a positive sense but mostly in the negative.
• I find myself hysterically funny. I'm usually the only one laughing. This is not unusual, I think it's healthy for adults to be capable of laughing at themselves.
• I am a member of Slimming World. It is highly likely that, at least once a week, you will be subjected to a bitch/boast post... dependent entirely on whether or not I lose weight. Weigh in is a Tuesday.
• I'm a big fan of The Stone Roses.
• I do not read newspapers.
• I do not listen to modern music. I'm stuck in a 90's time warp. And I don't mean Steps.
• If you don't find farts funny, we cannot be friends. Ever.
• My language can be fucking awful.
• I am desperately trying to cling to my youth.

So that's it. I wish I was a little more interesting. Or more of an enigma. But I haven't the time or the inclination to be either of those things. I'm not likely to bungee jump, or lead the world in a mission for global harmony. I'm far more likely to forget to pay for a school trip or succumb to road rage. Soz.